Being a celebrity involves a duty. It involves a lot of canape-eating and teeth-whitening as well, but it also includes an onus of being somewhat a role-model.
Celebrities know that people will try to emulate them because their life seems so much more rich and glamorous compared to theirs. If your famous, chances are you don’t even know what brands of washing powder are available in supermarkets anymore. You have a person solely employed to brighten your whites, and that’s something the rest of us would like a slice of please.
This is then a call out then to celebrities to stop giving your kids weird names that they have to wear for the rest of their now slightly-unfortunate lives because it triggers off normal people naming their kids after intangible words as well.
Sure having a kid called “pineapple” is cute when they’re 5 days old. Having a grandpa named that though takes the sweetness off somewhat.
Let’s take a look at some celebrity doozies:
Nicole Ritchie/Joel Madden: Harlow Winter Kate and Sparrow James Midnight
Michael Hutchence / Paula Yates: Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily
Bob Geldof / Paula Yates: Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches and Pixie
Lisa Bonet / Jason Momoa: Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
David Duchovny / Tea Leoni: Kyd
Sylvester Stallone / Sasha Czack: Sage Moonblood
Bono / Alison Hewson: Memphis Eve and Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q
Peter Andre / Jordan: Princess Tiaamii
Chris Martin / Gwyneth Paltrow: Apple and Moses
Mariah Carey / Nick Cannon: Moroccan Scott and Monroe
Richard Gere / Carey Lowell: Homer James Jigme
Alicia Keys / Swizz Beats: Egypt
Gwen Stefani / Gavin Rossdale: Kingston James McGregor and Zuma Nesta Rock
Jamie /Jools Oliver: Buddy Bear Maurice AND Petal Blossom Rainbow AND Daisy Boo Pamela AND (if that’s not enough) Poppy Honey Rosie
Number one for “what were you thinking" celebrity names has to go to:
Frank Zappa / Gail Zappa: Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Moon Unit and Diva Muffin
What damage have these names done to normal society? A few names really given to everyday children without the protection of a famous mummy include:
Winner and Loser (USA)
Lego and Google (Sweden)
Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii (New Zealand)
Speedy and Jazz (Germany)
Country governments have thankfully stepped in to alleviate the problem with banned names including:
Number 16 Bus Shelter, Fish and Chips, Lucifer, Duke, Messiah, Bishop, Baron, General, Judge, King, Mr, 89 C, D, I and T in New Zealand.
IKEA, Metallica, Veranda, Q, Superman, Metallica and Elvis, and Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced “Albin” of course) in Sweden.
4Real in the UK
Chow Tow, which translates to Smelly Head in Malaysia
@ in China
Do you know of anyone with a creative name that has made their life difficult? Leave a comment and let us know!